It's been a long time comin'....

So I finally got a break so thought I'd quit shirking my blogging duties.  Plus Jacob turns one year old in 7 days, so of course it's a time of reflection for me.  I can still remember bringing him home from the hospital with his wrinkled skin and chicken legs... and now he walks around the house calling "Mamama" when he needs to find me.  It's such a miracle what can happen in a year.  It truly is mind boggling that these little people learn such a tremendous amount so quickly... I wish I had the same capability these days!

Stephen and I are nearing the end of our intern year.  I'm excited but also SO nervous about being "upgraded."  I was ecstatic when they told me to come sign my new contract for next year... I'm also so insecure about things like that, you can't take employment for granted these days!  I feel like I've learned an incredible amount since starting in June but I know that there is 100 times more to learn which is daunting and exciting all at the same time.  My saving grace in times of exhaustion and near insanity is my clinic and my family.  My clinic patients are wonderful, I love getting to know the families, educating the moms and getting to interact with little ones of all ages- every Friday afternoon I am reaffirmed that this is what I should be doing.  Then being able to come home to Jacob running over to me with his arms up is the icing on the cake... my day wouldn't be complete without a slobbery kiss!

Maybe it's being a parent or maybe it's being a pediatrician in training that makes you look a little harder at the world.  I think you can tell a lot about a culture by how it treats the young and the elderly.  So many of the kids I see each day are not treasured like I feel they should be.  The dark side of pediatrics is sometimes having to bear witness to tremendous suffering, sometimes for unknown reasons but way too often it's at the hands of those who are supposed to be their caregivers.  I can't tell you how disheartening it is to know that there are people out there who continue to have children and yet take no responsibility and seem to feel no genuine love or a sense of gratitude for their kids.  It reminds me every day that I can't take out the frustrations of work on my child... after all he was given to me to watch over, to care for, treasure and to teach.  How will he learn to love if I don't show him love?  It's so easy to become cynical but I'm trying to hard to keep my heart soft... even though it may mean more hurt, I'd hate to become calloused when it comes to the care of children.

Of course, there are those wonderful moms whose love for their children is actually palpable and those are some of my favorite interactions because we both want exactly the same thing!  Luckily, there are more great parents than there are bad ones but unfortunately it's the really bad ones that seem to stick with you.